Are we handicapping our children?

I am the mother of two beautiful adult children.  My daughter is 29 and my son is 19.  My son is a full time student at a well known and very much respected University in Northern California. He graduated with a 4.6 GPA and he is studying international business and political science. He wants to attend law school and become an international attorney.  His ultimate goal is to become a Supreme Court Judge.

My daughter is not doing much with her life. She jumps from job to job and seems to gravitate to the same people. Her circle really needs to be revamped and she needs to figure it out sooner, rather than later. She is a high school graduate but that’s really it.  She’s a sweet person but she is just lost in life.  It’s amazing how different my two children are.

Brother and sister were raised in the same household. They were both afforded the same opportunities in life.  At times, I feel like my daughter had it a lot easier than my son. She was my first born and my daughter so I believe I definitely raised her differently.  I made her life so easy and I don’t think I ever showed her any type of tough love. I feel I tried to make up for the fact her father wasn’t around.

I was harder on my son. I knew he was a mini genius. His thirst for knowledge and his love of education was mind blowing to me.  I really nurtured his mind academically and because of this, he is excelling in his young academic life.  However, I really didn’t do too much differently accept I probably allowed my daughter to NOT have to be as responsible as my son.

So my question is can you handicap your children?  Absolutely! I have a child who really cannot function too well in the real world because of me not wanting her to fail.  I have always been there to pick up the pieces and hold her hand through every aspect of her life. When I moved to another state and she stayed behind with her grandmother, she was literally lost.  Even though my mom was there to help her, she just doesn’t have a clue. It has been seven (7) years since I’ve left.

Moving forward, she has had multiple jobs, really nowhere to call home (she lost her apartment after I paid for it and furnished it) and she is also on probation.  At times, I almost feel like I failed her as a mother.  But at the same time, I provided the foundation for her to live her best life but somewhere it just didn’t stick or she really is too immature to live in the real world with the rest of us adults.

Either way, I feel I gave her too much and I didn’t allow her to grow into an adult and make her own mistakes. I was there too much to pick up the pieces and the guilt that I had for her father not being around, did more harm than good.  It has taken me some time though to ease up on myself because at some point she needs to want better for herself.  If I had to do it all differently again, I definitely would. I would have raised her exactly how I raised my son. I am or was her crutch and because of that, I have handicapped her.